Love is love

Love is love... or is it really more complicated than that?

In its more general sense "love" is "caring" for or about someone/someplace/something. It can be applied to basically anything, anywhere or anyone. If changes occur in regards to this person/place/thing and these changes cause emotional effects on us, then we may "love" them/that/it. But is this really an adequate description? 

No, it isn't.

The English language has the word "love" to describe something that in fact is multiple "somethings" and not one thing at all.  What do these different kinds of love feel like-- and what do they do? I know that these different kinds of love are distinct, because I have felt each one in isolation as well as in combination with each other.

Child-like (dependent) love: 

The first kind of love that I can recall is feeling cared for and taken care of. It was from my parents and siblings. I didn't feel much gratitude for it at the time-- and definitely took advantage of it. But it was a kind of familiar belonging and dependence on someone (my family). I would feel afraid if I couldn't see them and I would feel safe and comfortable when they were around. I felt "loved". A child and its mother is a fantastic kind of exemplification of this love. Though, I have felt it in different situations including from my teacher at school when I was very young and also at times with my spouse. Maybe this kind of love is useful because it helps children/people identify a caretaker.

Best friend love: 

Some might just call this friendship with its varying degrees of intensity-- and to them they might be right-- but to me, this kind of love is something distinct and separate entirely when it really happens. I have had many friends of varying intensities and enjoyed their company. What occurs between best friends is something "different"-- not just something "more". This is different than enjoying someones company. This feels like when you thoroughly enjoy/accept someone exactly for who they are-- and you know that they thoroughly enjoy/accept you as well. You don't have to keep the conversation going-- it just flows like water, and when it doesn't, it doesn't matter. It's where it doesn't matter what you do anymore or how you act, because the person knows the "you" behind those things and you feel the same way about them. This kind of love can go months without talking and pick up like they spoke yesterday. It is distinct because there is absolutely nothing romantic about it at all. Neither does it feel or look like being taken care of. It feels very different from child-like love. It can be present with these other kinds of love or it can be all by itself. I have felt it with my spouse in combination with romantic love, and I have also felt best friend love with my family in combination with child-like love. This kind of love is often compared to the love between brothers or sisters ("I love you like a brother"). But since brothers and sisters don't always feel this way about each other, calling it "best friend" love makes more sense to me. 

Romantic Love:

Being excited to hear the sound of their voice. Getting butterflies of excitement in your stomach when you think about seeing them. Wanting more than anything just to be with them and never being apart from them. Looking in their eyes makes your knees weak. This kind of love can happen without even having touched the person or even spoken to the person. If the heart is open to it, it can happen anywhere or anytime. It is the stuff of songs, poems, books and movies. It can occur between anyone regardless of anything-- often fitting the statement "love is blind". This is the most common kind of love that people write songs about. Often its like a rose that lasts only a season or a fire that burns hot and then is extinguished. To keep the fire burning requires careful care and the regular fuel of commitment. It is only the fortunate and wise ones who keep this fire going. If it is kept going, it can be suddenly cranked up to full blast at any given moment for exciting dates or even just unexpected moments, when they walk into a room and your heart skips a beat. Relatively few people keep this fire bright. For those who aren't able to keep it going-- it is the chasing of these romantic feelings outside of marriage which is often what fuels adultery and divorce. The initial blast of flame that comes from novelty in romance is exciting and for many people, that is all of the romance that they ever experience-- like when the kindling catches fire and the fire is bright for a few moments. But the best romance is the flame that lasts the longest-- that is the most rewarding and if done properly, other kinds of love are forged in its furnace: like best-friend love, and child-like love and familial love, and yes-- even lust. People typically don't and cant choose who they are going to have romantic feelings or thoughts about, but they can choose whether or not they are going to entertain those thoughts or feelings and put fuel on the spark to let it catch fire.

Lust

I'm actually not even associating the word "love" at the end of this just because it is so often confused with other kids of love and I want to make the distinction clear. Consistent with the general idea of love being "care" for others, you do care about the other person that you lust for in the sense that what happens to them has an effect on your emotions, but with lust its a bit more directly and obviously self-serving than the other kinds of love. It is the least committed. It is about self gratification. It is the most shallow and the most surface level. It is also the most physically pleasurable. If two people share lust for each other without commitment, it can be a gratifying experience for both of them... at least in the short term-- long term perhaps not so much. If two people are deeply committed to each other, and share lust for each other, then lust can be very rewarding for a long time for both of them. Just like romance, lust can cause a great deal of harm if it is not harnessed a certain way. Like romance, people don't and can't typically choose who they are or aren't able to have lustful feelings or thoughts about, but they can choose whether or not they are going to entertain those thoughts or feelings.

Parental or familial Love

The most common manifestation of this kind of love is when you have children of your own. Sometimes a sibling can feel this way for a younger sibling and sometimes spouses can feel this way about each other. When it comes to loving your kids, you really cant help yourself-- even when they are driving you nuts and you cant wait for them to go to sleep. You'd do anything for them without even thinking about it. You cant be happy unless they are happy. You're not home unless you are with them. They are part of the equation of your happiness whether you wish it or not and there is nothing that could stop that. This is the most obviously selfless kind of love. It looks like service. It looks like sacrifice. It smells like dirty diapers and taking out the trash. It feels like home. It sounds like many things, including arguments and expressions or adoration. It's so much deeper, committed and more rewarding than the other kinds of love described above. It looks like commitment. Parents often feel it immediately when they have baby and married couples often feel it for each other when they raise their children together. Its the only way I know how to feel like I am home and I cant imagine life without it.

Godly love

I would guess that many if not most people never experience this at all during their lifetime, but enough people have experienced it that it is well documented enough to lead to the assumption that it has occurred through all of human history in every culture and continent. The first time I experienced it was at the age of about 14 year following several months of dedicating my life to God. It would have been completely impossible for anyone to have ever described it to me in any words that would have had the capacity to relate the experience, but it was completely and utterly trans-formative on every part of my existence. It was like a gaining of awareness of something which I could not have even imagined existed, but was more real than anything I had ever experienced. My other experiences with love I had felt in the past were like candles to the sun. Even calling what I experienced "love" does the experience injustice. It was a unique experience in and of itself and was coupled by many emotions, but it was not primarily an "emotion" that I experienced. This is difficult to put into words. It was coupled with an absolute awareness of the existence of a being that had pure indescribable charity for me coupled with a sense of this beings power and knowledge. The experience ended and I was drenched with tears and trembling and weak. Once I had an awareness of this love, I started to feel differently towards everyone. I cared about people differently and much more deeply than I used to.

Charity

What I was describing at the end of "caring for people differently and more deeply" is Charity. Its like an EXTREMELY watered down version of Gods love-- so much so that I had to put it into its own category. Whenever it happens, it feels deeply spiritual and sacred. Paul described it well enough that I don't feel that I have much more to say about it:

"4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."

I have tried to follow Moroni's advice in relation to this kind of love:

"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen."